Bottom Feeders. (It’s Not A Sex Position)
Perhaps surprisingly, for one of our blogs, this doesn’t refer to a sex related activity…. its more about an “Aha” moment I had a few years ago during counselling. For those of you that may not be aware, I have lived with episodes of clinical depression since I was a teenager. As a result, I have tried hypnotherapy, counselling (both individual and group), CBT, spiritual healing and medication to both survive AND thrive.
Sometimes I had to quit talking therapies due to the inflexibility of the system in relation to my M.E. Having the energy to travel to a nearby town, have the 50 minutes counselling session, and then travelling back caused me to relapse. The emotional energy that counselling takes on anyone, never mind someone with ME, can be exhausting.
Although I asked for home visits on the grounds of my disabilities, I was denied. When I asked for virtual sessions, these were also denied - for reasons of privacy and patient confidentiality etc.
So, I suggested my Counsellor used a laptop in the therapy room I would have physically been in if I had been able to travel. Answer? No. Then I suggested my Counsellor used the computer at her office desk, but with headphones to protect my privacy. Answer? No. I was prepared to sign a disclaimer that I understood a video call might not be as secure as a physical appointment. Answer? (Yes, you’ve guessed it!) No.
“Right” (I thought to myself), maybe fortnightly in-person sessions would minimise the energy “payback” effect on my M.E. So, I suggested that option…turned out that was still too much of a reasonable adjustment. I gather it would have made their appointment schedule untidy (!)
At that point I bowed to the inevitable and told them I couldn’t continue treatment.
A few years later I moved into a different area. My mental health slipped again (imminent homelessness and supporting someone with dementia can be stressful…). Naming my feelings at the time, I would describe myself as “unworthy, useless - just “less” in general”. I sought help, and this time it was different. The local Steps to Wellbeing service listened, and worked WITH me on a weekly/fortnightly basis doing home visits which prevented a relapse of my M.E.
That consistent, face-to-face, therapy has been a MAJOR factor in my improved mental health, despite ongoing physical health challenges. Also, I have weathered the storm of my Mum’s health nosediving, ultimately leading to her death from dementia. Subsequently, I was even able to access an NHS based counselling service specifically related to mental health and employment support. This was phone-based, but effective in its own way.
Believe me, I realise I was in a tremendously privileged position. I couldn’t afford to pay for private treatment, and I know there are many more people out there in the poverty trap. It took YEARS to get the help I needed, and in an ideal world it shouldn’t take that long. The irony of seeking help for mental illness, whilst being in the grip of mental illness, and feeling like sh*t both emotionally and physically – it’s not lost on me.
So, where do “Bottom Feeders” fit in? Well, my therapy sessions revealed that I think “in pictures” (part of my Asperger’s Syndrome). This helped me to describe my feelings to my counsellor, which helped me to power through my wonky thinking.
For example, the character Cruella de Ville (of 101 Dalmatians fame) proved useful, as did the character Scrat (of Ice Age fame). Perhaps the most useful visual I came up with, however, was that of a Bottom Feeder. They’re the creatures living way down in the depths on the ocean floor. Usually they are dull, unappealing, unworthy of “light” (good things). A dictionary definition describes them as “a member of a group of very low social status who survives by any means possible.” Pretty accurate description of the depressed person’s state of mind I would say.
How did this marine image provide an “Aha” moment of enlightenment? Well, while doing my therapy “homework” between sessions, I remembered that oysters also qualify as marine life in the general vicinity of the seabed. They take a bit of relatively useless stuff, a grain of sand or other irritant, and turn it into a pearl. Most people view pearls as things of beauty (including me), so much so that they are worn with pride and joy. So, I made a decision to view myself as a pearl. I have been down in the depths, but through a lot of work I can now see myself as valuable, and beautiful in my own way.
Like so many other people in recent times, I have faced an increase in mental ill-health due to the COVID pandemic – but I have used the skills I learned through therapy to surf the wave of depression, rather than be dumped from a great height by it. GP prescribed antidepressants also support my continued mental health.
If you are struggling with depression at the moment, please reach out for help. This can be through talking to family or friends, or indeed by contacting support services like the Samaritans (https://www.samaritans.org/). A good starting point is to speak to your GP about your low mood. Please remember, you’re not a bottom feeder, you’re a pearl!
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Sex Goddess x
#YFNSG
