I am a partner carer

I am trying to manage my changing roles as a carer and a lover to my partner.
But, I am finding it difficult to cope.
Because I am worried about the sexual act itself hurting my partner physically. My partner says they don't feel attractive any more, even though I still fancy them and try to reassure them. None of our health professionals seem to want to help, and I am worried about bringing the subject up with them in case it affects our care plan support.
Which makes me feel frustrated, angry, grief and sadness.

How we can help:

• It may be your partner or spouse has acquired their disability, and you are struggling with adjusting to your additional role as their carer. It may be that they were born with their disability, and you would welcome some support in sexual expression as you navigate through aging together. We can offer some peer support to you individually, or as a couple.

• We have many years of experience in the area of disability and sex. See our “Meet the Team” page on this website. If we haven’t “been there and done that”, we probably know someone who has! We are happy to signpost you to other organisations we feel may have more lived experience or professional experience than us on a specific topic.

• Whatever your particular challenge is, we are virtually un-shockable. We are comfortable with using a range of terminology from vagina to knob (!). You really don’t have to worry about embarrassing or offending us.

• Wherever you place yourself on the rainbow of sexuality and gender, we’ll happily chat with you. You may be in a monogamous relationship, or into “Swinging” etc. – we won’t judge you.

• Navigating through care needs assessments, personal health budgets, and direct payments is familiar territory to us. We understand the challenges these systems place in front of you, and are happy to peer support you where possible. Generally speaking, sex and intimacy support needs can be included in the section relating to Activities of Daily Living.

• If you feel unable to ask for support from any of your existing care providers, we are happy to advocate for you, subject to obtaining your written permission to do so.

• If you think we can help you, please get in touch. Simply email [email protected] or give us a call on 07758 724191.

• I like to work flexibly due to reasonable adjustments for my own disabilities. Please do leave a voicemail message, if necessary, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

• If you prefer, fill in the form on our contact page and I’ll get back to you by email.

• Prefer contacting us by post? Our land address is SWAD Dorset, PO Box 9532, Poole, DORSET, BH15 9HY, UK